90/365 What I didn’t do

I did not see The English Beat at The Barns of Wolf Trap tonight. I did not sit in the front row. I did not dance to almost every song. I did not pose for a photo with the most energetic member of the band. I do not dance. I do not pose with band members.


89/365 Liars in the bathroom

My three bathrooms house liars. Sure, their labels proclaim Burt’s Bees® Citrus and Ginger Hand Soap or Everyone™ Meyer Lemon & Mandarin Hand Soap but they’re deceivingly filled with cheap Softsoap® from Costco®.

A recent young guest told me she loved my Meyer Lemon & Mandarin Hand Soap. I shook my head and said, sorry, it’s a lie.

88/365 The secret in the attic

Under the smaller built-in dresser in the attic bedroom was a secret hiding place. I used it for my diaries and journals. My brother used it for his cigarettes and alcohol. Someone later used it for pornographic magazines. Mom denied knowing about the magazines and said Dad wasn’t into that sort of thing. Someone was lying.

83/365 Baldfaced lies

I wrote this and the following post on the day they were “due” but because of a few crazy computer and Internet glitches they won’t appear until Monday, March 26th. Kind of like the y2k bug. I also have tried to comment on everyone’s recent posts but the blogs shape-shift and become ravens or squirrels. Honest!

82/365 Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

We lived in the Pittsburgh neighborhood of Shadyside. Fred and Sara  Rogers lived in Oakland, the neighborhood next-door to ours. Their son’s girlfriend lived in the same three-flat house as us until she secretly moved in with him. While I can’t claim to have lived in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, his son sometimes slept in our house.

81/365 Myers-Briggs’ Secrets

When first took the Myers-Briggs I thought it fun and convinced my husband to take it too. The second time I was disturbed about the J. The last: I nearly lost my job for [angrily] refusing to reveal my score. I pronounced they had no business knowing the secret me, the one I didn’t even know.

80/365 Cheese

It’s no secret that I love cheese. I love cheddar and havarti and Wensleydale and feta and Brie and Camembert and chèvre and Monterey Jack and Edam and Gouda and Gruyère and Humboldt Fog and cottage and ricotta and mozzarella and parmesan but not Limburger or brick.

What’s a secret is my taste for Kraft singles.

79/365 Witness

When Eileen asked me to be a witness at her uncontested divorce from Paul I agreed but was nervous about being under oath. I didn’t know for sure what went on next door.

It turned out fine except for the surprisingly fierce tears I shed for the thousands of endings had taken place in that room.

74/365 StitchFix

I envisioned a stylish woman looking at racks of clothing at the StitchFix warehouse to match my preferences. My first order left me amazed that she knew exactly what I needed. However, my husband said that a colleague knew someone who helped create the AI for the company that chose my clothes. Personal stylist my foot!

73/365 Ebook pages lied to me

I was deliriously proud of myself for having finished a 653 page book in 4 days. I bragged about it to my husband.. It was nothing! It was easy! All I had do do was quit looking at social media all day and voila, 653 pages read in no time. Oh, ebook pages are different than real pages? Figures.

72/365 Not ambivalent at all

A few years ago my husband was encouraged to apply for a job in Seattle, so he did. I said I was ambivalent about moving:

  • Clare’s there.
  • Andrew’s here.
  • All our friends are here.
  • The PNW is breathtaking.

It was very close but when he learned that someone else got the job I was secretly delighted.

71/365 Self-deprecation

I have a habit of calling attention to my faults rather than my merits and this has probably cost me relationships, job promotions and self-esteem. I don’t really believe what I say or write but it is easier for me to say negative things about myself than positive things. Unfortunately I think others often believe me.

70/365 Passwords

Passwords are meant to be kept secret and my work passwords are known only to me. Some other passwords are not so secret because I share Netflix, Hulu, and other streaming sites with my offspring. One way to insure urgent communications from the kids is to change the passwords. I really should do that more often.

69/365 Top Secret

Found among long-forgotten letters when I was going through things at Mom’s house, this Top Secret note pad had about 6 pages left. While I don’t remember buying it (a gift perhaps?) I do remember using it to write letters to my friends away at camp or back home when I was visiting my grandparent’s in Wisconsin.



68/365 Calla lily

When I saw the calla lily in my son’s hand when he came over last Mother’s Day my first thought was, “Shit, a plant I need to keep alive,” but I smiled and thanked him.

Sure enough I killed it by July, or thought I did. Turns out the calla lily is going to bloom again!

67/365 No lies

You won’t be reading any lies from me this month. It’s not that I don’t, or can’t, lie but when I do I feel incredibly guilty and anxious. I can’t see myself lying for fun. Where that comes from, I don’t know. Maybe I have repressed memories of being severely punished for lying in my childhood.

63/365 Suicide — Completed

The police report reads “Suicide — Completed.” What compelled them to drive halfway up the lower section of my small suburban side street in their late-model dull-blue Porsche, stop their car, leave the engine running and headlights on and shoot themself remains a secret. Someone might know that answer, but not those of us who saw it.

62/365 Secret Waterfall

20171211_120903-EFFECTS.jpgUntil reading about it through a link on Facebook, I didn’t realize that Elgin had a waterfall (besides the Fox River dam). Dean and I visited the secret waterfall (which is technically in South Elgin) last December. Despite the background graffiti it is lovely. Teenage Dona would have loved it had she known of its existence.

61/365 The Porn Party

“You’re not to go into the living room tonight,” instructed Mom, “we’re having a grown-up movie party.”

It was fine with us, Dad had set up the TV in my bedroom and Mom gave us bowls of popcorn and bottles of pop.

Decades later finding the 8mm “adult” film reels, I realized they were watching porn.